
Sometimes I hate staring at a blank page. All those neatly ruled lines just waiting for me to fill them with words. I feel like everything coming out of my pen must be meaningful and profound. What a lot of pressure!
I'll share another couple of secrets with you. First, my handwriting must always be as neat as possible. Second, I expect my first draft to be perfect. It is amazing I get anything written, isn't it?
Ultimately, I would love to do all my writing with a fountain pen filled with purple ink on lovely, heavy, cream-coloured paper. Each word would be perfect and each sentence a masterpiece. But until I reach this totally unrealistic goal, I will keep writing away with my ballpoint pen on inexpensive lined paper, making mistakes as I go along. I figure the best way to learn about writing is to write, and the tools I use are unimportant.
For a little over ten years, I was obsessively devoted to Sheaffer fountain pens, jet black ink only, thank you very much. I hated breaking them in, but there's nothing like the way a nib picks up your writing angle and begins conforming to it, kind of like shoes. My main problem was that I would fetishize each pen I got in succession - this is my pen, my one and only, the best pen in the world - and then carelessly lose it after about a year - because, hey, it's just a pen, I couldn't actually be bothered to keep track of it every second.